i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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