My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
