While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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