Moan for me like Helen Keller
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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