My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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