I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
