He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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