I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
