thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
