Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
