Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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