i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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