There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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