He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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