It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
