so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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