I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I deserve this hangover.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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