Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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