I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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