Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
