Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
