Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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