she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
