Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
