Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
