i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
