put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
