He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
