Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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