And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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