I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize