Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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