this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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