I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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