at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize