sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
