Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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