My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
