Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
there is puke in my bra ... again
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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