thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize