He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize