Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
