Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
