the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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