ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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