That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
one might say we're banned from that church
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
