i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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