Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
