I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sorry about my life...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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