just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
