So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think my fart just growled at me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
