There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
