I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
