He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
