yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
