I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i was born a porn star she said
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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