All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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