I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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