I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
