It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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