My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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