Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
